Ok, so here’s the deal. I love the game Plants versus Zombies. It’s fun and silly. It also proves to me that the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse not only WILL happen, but that I will be better prepared than most and I will most likely survive to be one of the handsome, rugged and sexually alluring leaders of the resistance. You are welcome.
How can I be so sure? Several reason – I am apparently excellent with a Pea Shooting Plant that can kill a Zombie with 4 peas… we are talking sharpshooter status here. The rest of you just get behind me so I can kill.
Another reason is that I tend to be a positive person, but I still have a passionate edge. The heroes in Zombie movies always have that rough, cowboy like edge (like I do) and they still have time to have a pre-climax (in the storyline, perv) romp with the hot girl (or guy, in my case) before roughly and edgily killing all the Zombies. Sounds just like me, right?
Hmmmm. I think I need to work on my cowboy-like swagger a bit.
I will be re-booting my blog (again). Just in time for some of the worlds most annoying people to disappear from the Earth and go to their version of heaven – as small and exclusive as it will probably be. I wish them well. My Higher Power wants me to stay here and start making a difference… even if it is as simple as being present and staying in the moment.
“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” It’s a quote by Robert G. Lee. He was a Baptist Preacher in the 1900’s and, in my experience, he was right. From the pain I have caused myself, I should end up being one WISE man! We will see how that turns out.
I have been doing a lot of work on recognizing the negative patterns of my past and how I can change them into positive behaviors. Simply being able to see them has been a feat. They blatantly stare me in the face yet I have searched for years without being able to actually look at them. Unfortunately, I think most people never really do get to see theirs. Sure, people point them out and the same crap happens over and over as a result of how we act and we wonder why, but nothing totally sucks and rocks at the same time like being able to notice, name and then work to change a bad pattern of behavior.
One of my patterns has been to not let people be themselves. Whether I try something as extreme as fixing someone else for what I perceive to be wrong or something as easy and forgivable as being angry at someone for their personal views, both are luxuries I have learned I cannot afford. So while the conservative politician is still fun to poke fun at (hey, s/he is a politician, they ASK for it), the person on the street who stands up for what they believe in, whether I agree or not, is just being principled. Don’t get me wrong, I will still feel the need to poke and prod when something comes up against my own principles, but the anger that has been my trademark for so long, is gonna be out of the equation. I may not do this perfectly, but then again, the ONLY thing I have to do perfectly today is not drink or use. The rest, I can practice again tomorrow.
As a side note, my friend Shelly had a dream that me and my husband adopted a baby. Since I have no husband, I will take this as a premonition! Woo hoo! I am gonna have a husband one day! Thanks, Shel. I wonder if it was a boy or a girl?? The baby, not the husband.
I really want to jump start this blog. I am going to really try to keep it up and see how it goes.
The past 92 days have been…. wonderful, hard, painful, easy, loving, mean… I guess they have just been life. When you live in extremes for a long time, the normal seems sickly. The fact is, sometimes, nothing happens. I think I am uncomfortable because nothing is happening. Nothing dramatic, that is, cause if I really think about it, things happen everyday.
I want to be ok with this. I really want to be ok with just being. Please Universe, help me be ok with just being me.
It’s coming, or should I say, they are coming. It is just taking me a lot longer than I thought. Also, I am working without a laptop so it’s taking even longer. I am being patient. I think.
Guess what? I am going to put up the missing blog entries from the past couple of months by the end of next week!! I am excited! The past year has been full of growth, setbacks, pain, love and even though I am still in the middle of it, I know it will end up just fine.
I also know that I will never be the same, and I am ok with that.
So give me till the end of 8 November, I should be all caught up by then and you will have lots to read.